Easter 2009

This Easter was FUN! Regan is crawling (well her version of it anyway) all over! The kids got new outfits and we decorated eggs together. On Sunday I had to work for a few hours and Connor went to 2 hours of Sunday school. Bill and I attended Easter service for the first time in YEARS! And even though we got stuck in the back row of the over flow area in the youth room downstairs, it was still a beautiful service.

After church we came home and had our egg hunt! The EB left both kids books and clothes and Connor got some candy. Then we headed up to my parent's home for a family lunch. We all had a great time talking and goofing around! Regan "tried" to take a nap, but was interrupted by her Uncle Chris who just had to see her! All that was missing was my sister and her family. But we will see them soon!

Hope you had a wonderful and blessed day as well!

See ya, Melinda

Storm

We had a late spring storm this past weekend! We got about 2 ft of snow over 2 days. Connor and Abby were loving it! Chase has reached old age and no longer wants to play in the snow, neither do I. So while Regan slept, Bill shoveled and Connor and Abby played, I took pictures!

And I must give a shout out to my pal Molly who helped me through the slideshow process! Thanks Mol, have fun with the playlist!

More blogs to follow!

See ya, Melinda

The Prayer

I was reminded of a song today in church, the song was "The Prayer". Perhaps, best remembered sung by Andrea Bocelli and Celine Dion. The first time I heard the song, I thought, "I need that song, I've got to get it". Several years later now, I finally have the song, downloaded to my iPod and played endlessly. I don't have to worry about scratching the vinyl or wearing out the cassette tape. It is now held, almost eternally, on my iPod.

It is a one year anniversary, if we can look at someones passing in that light, of my brother Jim's transition, home to be with the Lord, the maker/creator and savior. It was an event, of sorts, his death, the viewing, the funeral and his burial. I saw him take his last few breaths that fateful night and that memory plays back in my mind, trying to capture something, a memory or an answer to the inevitable. Saying anything to the contrary, that he went out like a champion would be heresy. He was a fighter to the end. His last breaths, to me, sounded and looked like he was running. Of course, I couldn't' help think of the imagery of the Christian life being a race. There he was, helpless, nothing I could do, an encouraging word seemed out of place, all I did was pray.

I prayed that God would ease his suffering. I prayed that God would comfort ours. I, selfishly prayed that the Lord would give me more days with him. I quietly asked the Lord to give him five weeks, no, five years. I didn't want memories, I wanted the real thing, the real voice, the laughter and the encouragement. Jim was my wing man, my cut man in the ring, always there for me. He never forced anything on me, he only shared. He shared a person and that person was Jesus. Sounds corny at times, a persons name that is taken more in vain than one mentioned in love and compassion. Are you sure Jesus is real, I've been asked. Hard to believe isn't it, Jesus, hey Bill, some said to me, why don't you join that group that goes around chanting, wearing robes and sandals? Despite the remarks and insults, I was drawn to God. Jim was being drawn around the same time. "Consider Jesus", writes the author to Hebrews. Jim considered Him and it turned his life upside down for the better and finally that night, I believe, Jim met Jesus face to face. The greatest part, Jim did not meet a stranger, it was someone he knew. The last conversation Jim had with the Lord, continued when he saw him, but this time, faith was gone, hope wasn't needed any longer, all that remained was love. I don't believe that to make me feel better, that Jim's in a better place now his suffering is past, but I believe it because my searching has led me there. I'm a rebel by nature, I didn't want to submit my will to God. However, the evidence is over whelming. I follow Him. Disbelieving would deny the heart. Two thousand years later the same truth Jesus spoke about is still spoken about today.

If you can listen to the words of this song, My Prayer, and perhaps put it to life, that would be grand. I only hope I can. Sometimes, I am my own worst enemy. The theology professor asked "what's wrong with the world?" He answered, "I am!" I don't say that in self loathing, but I wonder, how I can pray to God with all earnest about my neighbor pray for their sickness, or family, whatever it may be, get in the car, out in traffic and curse the other driver for doing whatever (didn't I just pray for him?). That is a simple illustration, We talked about that and many other life observations, Jim and me, he knew it also. We would discuss it and conclude that indeed, we are sinners, but we are sinning less that we use to. I don't know if that is theologically correct or not, but Paul faced the same battle. Jim, as I do, wanted to be more like Jesus.

I miss those talks we had years ago, we would order a pie, the girls would be off to bed, kinda... (I always wondered if they were listening to our conversations). We would share a bible passage, trying to gain understanding, how to apply it to our lives. Then there was the lunches at Moody, he would introduce me to everyone and eventially I went to the school. Sometimes, we skipped lunch and played basketball. You learn alot about yourself playing basketball, like the praying for your neighbor and driving illustration learning about yourself.

I have listed to the song know for a dozen times, typing as I'm listening, wishing at times, I could sing like Signor Bocelli. It isn't that I want the praise or applause for it, but I want my voice to sound good to the Lord, dang just once. I know the Lord doesn't take that into account, but I want to sound good for Him. I'm sure he wouldn't want me to play Him a song on the piano if I couldn't play. Who knows? The Lord, I believe, wants me to live a life pleasing to Him. The sermon today was about, loving the Lord your God with all you heart, mind and soul and loving others as yourself. Jim did that. I want to do that, God grant me the strength to do it, to persevere and not lose hope. Keeping my thoughts and eyes fixed on Jesus the author and perfecter of our faith.

I miss you Jim. I know that I will see you again one day.

My 2008..

I have been hearing so much over the past few weeks how glad everyone is that 2008 is over. That the economy sucked and people are losing jobs and that we have lost loved ones. All of that is true, but for me 2008 brought so much more than lost dollars and grief.

I have been thinking a lot about all that I have been given this past year and how blessed I have been. Even through the loss of people we have all loved, I realized how incredibly blessed to have known them for the short time that I did. Our dear beloved Uncle Jimmy passed in March, which was very painful for all of us. And it has been difficult watching Billy mourn someone who meant the world to him. And although I only knew Jim a very brief, but fantastic 9 years, he has and will continue to make a huge impact on my life. And I am not sure that I completely qualify to speak on anothers death, because I have been fortunate enough in my life to lose only one person that caused me to mourn, my Grandmother. But I have not lost a parent or sibling or spouse and I really don't know the deep pain that people who have lost that type of loved one feels, so maybe I don't qualify.

But I have watched my husband deal with the pain of his brother's death and my best friend deal the with the shocking sudden death of her husband and I guess I do feel the pain of their pain. And for that I am glad 2008 is over.

But really 2008 was a miraculous year for me. After years of trying to have another child and facing the painful reality of yet another dream possibly being dashed, I actually did get pregnant in late 2007. I had prayed for 4 years for a daughter, 4 long years. And even though I knew in my heart the baby was a girl, I was still shocked and shaking when the tech told us at the ultrasound! The pregnancy mostly went off without any problems, just the usual being tired, hot all summer long, etc. But unlike with Connor, we are now in a house and could paint the walls of a nursery, heck- this baby actually got WALLS! So I chose red as the main color, which seems quite odd to most people who know me and my long love of pink. But I felt red would suit this baby, it's a bold, strong color and that is what she would be- bold and strong.

When July 28th arrived and I went into surgery, I felt what all women feel in that moment, anxious, excited and very relieved that I would be able to breathe again! Then we had some tense moments when our little Missy wouldn't come out when the doctor requested and her arm broke in the process. All of that was a bit hard, but as Bill and I do, we take it, get as much info as we can and move forward. It was still a miracle, the child who wasn't supposed to be- was. And Regan Jamie Marie entered our lives with as much commotion and red hair as she could.

In the days after, I couldn't tell if it was the narcotics or if something really had changed. As I began to heal and we brought Regan home, I really felt different- really different. I healed from the surgery and Regan's arm did as well, Connor went back to school and Bill went back to work. The DNC was here and the Rockies didn't perform as they had in 2007. But suddenly for the first time in 10 years I felt as if I was awake!

The last 10 years of my life have been difficult, very difficult at times. I am not going to go into all that has happened, but for those of you who know, you know I had changed for the worst in some ways during those years. Suddenly I let fear run everything. I wasn't social anymore and aside from one or 2 friends here in Colorado, I didn't have any real friends. But all of that changed after Regan was born- all of it. Now that is not to say that I didn't have huge blessings come into my life, I did- BIG ones. It began with Chase, then my sweet Billy and my lovey Connor. But I felt like some part of me that I found at 21 had been lost forever. And after having Regan and turning 35, I found her! Older and wiser, but still a bit hot-headed and all Melinda.

And even as I continued to work with my Dad and my brother from home and took care of my little ones, I knew I needed more. We had begun attending a church close to us last March, shortly after Jimmy passed, I think he is the reason we went back to church as a family. I really began to like the church, it is Methodist and having been raised Catholic and married in a non-denominational church, I had no idea what to expect. They have a wonderful welcoming community! The first day we went we received a welcoming bag later that afternoon with a loaf of bread and info about the church- who knew people still did that in this day and age? And in this very white, suburban area! Instantly I felt welcomed. So we kept going throughout the spring and summer and decided that we would like have our baby baptized there. After Regan was born, I joined the Moms group there and met some great women, even a Pi Phi from CSU! Connor was getting involved in the children's program and I began to come out of my shell!

So as we moved into the fall, I began volunteering for things at Connor's school. Another Mom and I plan the 4 parties throughout the year. I also wanted to join the PTCO, but was beginning to stretch myself a little thin. I also thought about working outside the home, even with a 4 month old! I found out our church was looking for a Childcare Coordinator, so I filled out an application and sent in a resume! The interview went very well and I was called and offered a different position, one that initially I was bummed about, because I had wanted the first one, but this second one suited my personality and skills better. So I went back in and talked with them about being the Children's Ministries Assistant. It sounded great, it was close, I could work between the hours that Connor was in school. The only hitch was that I had this gorgeous baby and I would have to find daycare for her. Talk about massive maternal guilt!

So Bill and I began interviewing home daycares and we found one that was absolutely perfect! Her youngest son happened to have been on Connor's baseball team this past year and she has five boys (yes FIVE!) and I had seen her with her boys over the summer and she was always so calm- I would not be so calm. But she has been wonderful! She is right around the corner from us and her kids are all in school, she takes care of a four year old and another baby just a few days older than Regan. I knew she was the perfect fit when I walked in after Regan's first day and saw the two babies on their tummies just staring at each other in wonder! She was so happy to be there!

So I continue to work with my Dad, but also have a new job. I work with a lot of wonderful people. Especially the woman I share an office with, she is my age (well almost!) and has three kids (her oldest is Connor's age and actually played on his t-ball team back when they were 5). Anyway, Lisa and I are similar and she hasn't complained yet about my music choices on my iPod!

My life has done a complete 180 in the last 6 months and even though we are incredibly busy and have to plan in our downtime. I wouldn't trade it! This isn't the life I planned on at 21, but then again I hadn't planned on the curve balls I was thrown either. But out of those curve balls, I have grown up, learned to have compassion for others and found myself again.

And that is why 2008 will always remain my favorite year. Happy New Year friends, I hope your 2009 may turn out to be as exciting and changing as mine has been.

See ya, Melinda

Simply Having...

We are having a wonderful and busy Christmastime! Here are some pictures from the season so far. We have visited Santa, gone downtown for a fancy dinner and seen all the lights at city & county building and along Larimer (not too far from where Bill works) . We have also bought our tree (a real one- we are purists!) and Connor had a blast decorating it and the house with lots of lights. I am in fear that he might be future Clark W. Griswold!

Last Thursday we had his winter party for school! I along with another Mom, are the "party Moms" and we plan the parties for the class for the whole year. She is such a wonderful person and we work well together, which makes the party for the kids a blast and easy of their teacher. I wonder if we can get our kids in the same class next year???

Punky is getting bigger and bigger, she'll be 5 months on the 28th and acting all the red head that she is! She is feisty and spirited and lets everyone know it! She has been in daycare for 2 weeks now with a wonderful woman who lives in our neighborhood. Her name is Kristen and she has 5 boys (yes FIVE) and her youngest was on Connor's baseball team this past summer. She takes such good care of our baby girl. I hate to leave her, but I know she is being very well cared for. Hopefully in the next month I can can go down to three days a week and work one from home.

Connor is doing fabulous, just learning up a storm! Math is still his favorite and we often have discussions about college and when I told him that in college you can learn about just what you want to. So he was very excited to learn that he could just go to college and do math and science! Watch out MIT! He is loving Christmas and loves sharing all of it with his baby sister. He is so sweet and just loves to be around her and she adores him, she just lights up when she hears her voice!

It has been a weird fall and winter for us, we went from having 60 and even 70 degree days to dropping below zero! Talk about your global warming! But we have been having a lot of fun together! So this would be our "virtual" Christmas letter! Enjoy the pictures and have a wonderful holiday season!

I know I am hardly objective, but aren't they sweet??

See ya, Melinda

Turkey, Cereal and Snow...

This year our Thanksgiving was smaller than usual. Since my sister and her family moved to Spokane last spring, plus she JUST had a baby a few weeks ago, they could not be with us. And my older brother decided to be with his other terminally bachelor friend, Matt. Lots of beer and football. So it was just the four of us, my Mom, Dad, Grandma and brother Dave and his wife Kristen. I thought it was going to be kind of sad since we were missing a few, but it turned out to be a really relaxing day!

We started the day having "Nate the Great" chocolate chip pancakes. If you haven't heard of "Nate the Great", he is the main character in a book series Connor and I have started reading. Nate is a detective and he always has to have pancakes while solving a case. So in one of his books they printed the recipe he uses, we added the chocolate chips ourselves. They were GOOD!

We headed up to my Mom and Dad's at about 2pm and we had a really great time talking and eating. I think I ate for two, I figured I was making up for last Thanksgiving since I was just newly pregnant and was throwing up and had to sit near an open window since the smell of any meat made me sick! So I ate last year's meal plus this year's- I was FULL! But since we had fewer people, we could all fit at one table!

We also played Monopoly Jr and had a chance to catch up with each other. It was a wonderful day and I have SO much to be thankful for! My family, my friends, my dogs, a new job and safe and warm home with a kitchen full of food! Plus this year we finally have the family we have dreamed of, Punky is here and now our home is full!

Punky slept right through the good food!
Dave & Kristen

Connor and his favorite part of TG- PIE!

Billy, Connor and Gus playing Monopoly and Connor WON!

Here's Sam

and little Nola

Regan was four months old Friday and her checkup was the previous Wednesday. She is now 13 lbs 2 oz and 24 1/2 inches long, she is dead even, in the 50 percentile for both height and weight. She is reaching her milestones and talking up a storm! It is so great to hear, but a little bittersweet, since I now know that since Connor didn't do any of that, it should have been a MAJOR sign something was going on. I am reading an awesome book my good friend Amy, whose son also has ASD, recommended to me. It is so full of great information about ASD, ADHD, asthma & allergies. The doc who wrote the book is not at all anti-vaccine, but just believes they should be given on a safer schedule, so this time she only had to have one shot, which was much better!!

That evening we thought we'd try out a little cereal. Now I must explain that having two children 7 years apart is like having your first baby all over again- except that your stomach doesn't snap back quite the way it did the first time! ;-) All the rules have changed since starting solids with Connor. Now they really aren't supposed to be on a regular schedule of cereal until 5 months, but our doc told us we could just begin slowly with a little each day. I am using oatmeal, instead of the typical rice cereal, we ran into some problems with rice cereal with Connor and his sister seems to have a bit of that same "problem", so I am not even going to try rice cereal! So we gave her about 6-7 tiny spoonfuls, which she did pretty well with. She has the most expressive face I have ever seen on a baby! She furrows her brow when she is unsure of something or is just checking things out. A look that comes straight from my Dad, she is like his mini-me!

I gave her the cereal and she gave her "Jack face", but seemed to like it! But that only lasted a bit before she got frustrated because it was coming fast enough for her, so we switched back to her bottle. It was a good try for the first time!

Here comes the first bite!

Faster Mom, faster!

Hmm, not bad...

Ok I've had enough, give me the old standby.

See what a happy girl I am?

So it finally snowed here in Denver, we had gotten one morning earlier in November where we had some flurries and then it was melted by the time we left to take Connor to school. I cannot remember it EVER snowing this late or having such weird temps- it got up to almost 80 on one day this month! The week of Thanksgiving I saw a guy putting the top down on his car! Global warming much?

Here are some pretty shots during and the morning after.

Chase always loves the snow.

Hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving! Now let the shopping commence!

See ya, Melinda

Happy Thanksgiving from Aunt Mary!

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Changes...

This year has had so many changes in it, I am surprised we have all kept up so well! And this past two weeks have meant more changes for us. But I feel we are and ready for the challenge!

I have accepted a position at our church on the Children's Ministry team. I will be working with Sunday school, but also Vacation Bible School and really all programs that are related to that. I am very excited, because after almost 10 years of not working outside the home, I am getting a chance to be with other people and do something I am good at! It contains a lot of detail work and organization and those are things I am very good at it! I really love it! It is semi-part time and I can still do my other insurance CSR work around that schedule. Connor is in school from 9-4 everyday, so he's settled....but Punky, ah my sweet Irish Princess.

I am having a hard time finding daycare, so right now my Dad (or 'Da' as Connor calls him) takes care of her when she can't be in the childcare at the church. I actually wasn't going to take the job when the first person I had lined up to care for her fell through, but my Dad stepped up and so "no you are not going to quit, I will take care of her until you find something permanent!" Which is a HUGE relief off of me, since I am feeling a LOT of maternal guilt! I waited FOUR years for this baby girl to come along and I feel like I am just shipping her off! And the thing is, yes we could use the extra income, but also I LIKE the job! And I really like the people I am working with! So now I feel guilty for liking working again! Ugh! How does a Mother reconcile those feelings?

And we have all had some adjustments. I am not home to the normal housework, grocery shopping, etc., but Bill has really stepped up to help me. And I have also had to learn to curb my potty mouth! I am working at church for crying out loud! Can't be cursing at the computer!

So in this year of changes, we have had one more. But we Howards are a strong bunch and we will keep rolling with it!

I wish everyone a wonderful and peaceful Thanksgiving! We are all so very grateful for all the great family and friends in our loves- that means YOU!

See ya, Melinda

Regan's Baptism...

Our family has had some great things happen over this past week. This past Sunday our beautiful little girl, Regan Jamie Marie was baptized at our church. It was really wonderful and special for all of us. We have decided to become members of St. Andrew's and have gotten to know a few people there, it just feels great to have finally found a church home for our family.

Punky was wearing the same gown my sister and I had both worn. The Pastor who baptized her, Jerry, used to be a stand-up comedian in LA, before he felt called to become a minister. He is so sweet and funny and was so kind with our little one. My older brother, Christopher is her Godfather and my best friend, Tami, is her Godmother. Tami couldn't be there, she lives in the UK, so my Mom was her "stand-in" at the baptism. And most of our family and good friends were there to help us celebrate.

After the baptism we had a reception at my parent's home. My Dad is quite the chef and everyone loves when he gets in the kitchen and does his "thing"! So there were a lot of happy people! We changed Regan from her baptismal gown to a beautiful dress her Aunt Tami sent from England, it is GORGEOUS! And she got to wear little tights and black patent leather shoes, too sweet.

We ended the party with an Irish toast to Bill's brother and Connor and Regan's Uncle Jimmy, who passed away this past March. It has left a hole in the life of all who knew him and since part of Regan's middle name came from him, we wanted to honor his memory and his place in our hearts.

Pastor Jerry, Chris, Mel, Punky, Billy and my Mom




Regan being baptized (the red ribbon Bill is wearing is for Veterans Day)

Punky and Mommy at the party

Punky is partied out!!

Connor with his baby sister and his Gus!

Regan and her Great-Grandmother Cudney

Our second wonderful family event happened on Election Day (no not just that Obama was elected, although that was GREAT!). My sister, Emily and her husband welcomed their second son, Wyatt Jackson into the world. He weighed in at 8lbs 4oz and 20 1/2 inches long. Now as many of you know, we Cudneys tend to grow them BIG- Em's oldest, Declan was 9lbs 14oz and Connor was almost 9lbs. So we feel like we had preemies with our second two!

Wyatt is doing well and home with his family now. He looks like his big brother, except that he has a full head of white blonde hair! Em is recovering from this c-section better than the first and my Mom is in Spokane now to help her for the week. I know my sister is thrilled to have this long awaited miracle! And we are happy our family just grew one bigger!!

D and Wyatt

Hope your families have as many blessings as ours has this week!

See ya, Melinda

PS I have to give credit to Tami for this song, she introduced me to it this last week. It has become one of her standards with all that she is dealing with. And I think we should all listen hard to it no matter what we are dealing with. So here's your shout out Tam!

Happy Halloweenie!

We had a great Halloween, considering how the week started out for us! Monday Regan began having trouble breathing so I called our dr office and they recommended I take her straight to the urgent care center. So we went and the doc there took one look at her slightly graying face and said she would most likely need to be hospitalized! Ok scary thought. They put her on a nebulizer treatment, which is miserable for anyone who hasn't tried to hold a mask over a three month old's face and watch her scream and cry. Then they did a chest x-ray, which was clear. The neb treatment brought her O2 stats up to 93, then they dropped down to 87, then back up. By this time Bill had met me at the urgent care and the doc had made arrangements to take Punk over to the hospital and have her admitted.

She had to be taken by ambulance, which was scary and funny at the same time. They took her in her carrier and strapped it to a gurney and it was sitting almost upright. She has pretty good head control now and she was wearing the nasal O2 and I swear she looked like a pissed off little old man! So I rode with her and Bill followed. The admitted her for the night and had her on a 1/4 liter of O2 and brought it down to an 1/8 by 1am and then she was on room air by 3am. And her O2 stats were holding in the upper 90's. By 11am she was ready to be discharged, she just had a upper respiratory infection and we had to watch her little nose and suck it out a few times a day. And since her immune system has taken a hit, everyone in close contact with her had to get a flu shot. Bill, Connor and I already have had ours (Connor had the influenza virus twice at 2 and 3 and was in the ER- don't want to repeat that again!) and my Mom who never gets one, bravely went and got it. So by now she is doing well, the time change has screwed her up a bit, but otherwise she is fine.

Now onto Halloween! I am one of the Mom's that plans the holiday partied for Connor's first grade class and my "co-Mom" Kelly and I had it all planned out. But since Punk got sick, I could not go, not even to see the parade! Which was very disappointing, but Kelly took lots of pictures and said all of the kids had a great time.

Thursday night we carved our two pumpkins, one was Billy & Connor's. Connor wanted it to look like the guy had lost his body and Regan and I took the more traditional approach! I was very surprised my very sensory sensitive son got in there and tried to scoop most of the goop out! We had a good time and I think they turned out great!

Connor decided to change things up in costume department (a little anyway). He was Optimus Prime, a transformer and leader of the autobots (the good guys). He loved it so much. He and Bill went trick or treating with our neighbors, Larry and his son Josh- Josh was "Thing Two", which was very cute. Bill went as a disgruntled Cubs fan, he wanted to carry a six-pack of Bud with him in honor of Harry Caray, but we decided it might not be wise to carry around alcohol while trying to watch your hyper 7 year old! Connor was very good at teaching Josh how to trick or treat, since he is only 3 and by the end Josh was no longer shy and walked right up to the doors with Connor.

My Mom and Dad came over for dinner and to help me watch Punky and control my wild dogs with all of the door bell ringing. It was VERY warm here, around 80 earlier in the day. Since Connor was born there has NEVER been a Halloween that was not at least below freezing or snowing- or both. So it was a little weird, but kind of nice not to have to bundle him up. All in all, it was a great night!

Connor scooping out the goop!

The carvers and helpers

Quite spooky!

Mr. Cub, the pumpkin girl and Optimus Prime


Punky's little pumpkin butt!

Optimus Prime and Thing Two

Last bit of news. This coming Sunday is Regan's Baptism. We are so excited to have her baptized in our new church! She is going to wear the same gown that both my sister and I wore when were baptized. And we are having a little reception afterwards at my Mom and Dad's house. Her Aunt Tami bought her a beautiful dress to wear for the party. We will take lots of pictures and post them next week.

Hope you all had a great Halloween!
See ya, Melinda

Ok I have NO IDEA why blogger hates me. My posts look like one long paragraph and I swear I indent! I have spent 15 minutes going back and forth trying to fix this so it looks right, but I can't and it won't, so it is how it is....